My Escape and Savior

                I believe that music is an escape. When I was twelve years old I discovered my father was an alcoholic. I was so bitter, and I was shocked. Eventually things worsened. I had to go over to his house every other weekend. I finally fell into a depression.

            At twelve I was told that I needed to take anti-depressants. I was only twelve, and people were looking at me to be an adult. I was always furious, bleak, and hollow. Hollow was the worst feeling of them all. At least when I was angry I felt something. I thought it was my fault.

            It took almost three years to figure out that it’s not my fault. I was on anti-depressants for a year. Then I just stopped taking them. Just because I stopped taking them didn’t mean that I was over my depression. By the time I was fourteen, which was only a year ago, I found music.  Music simply saved my life.

            In all honesty I wanted to give up. I thought that everyone would be better off without me. I was ready to let go, but I didn’t because I found music. I’m here to say to any who feels this way that you’re worth it. You are here for a reason, and no one should say otherwise. I also realized that I had other people who cared for me. I had my family, and I am thankful everyday for them. Just three songs saved me.

            The first song was A Match Into Water by Peirce The Veil. My best friend played this song for me. This Song Saved My Life by Simple Plan. The last song is Gold by Britt Nicole. You should give them a listen.  This is a section of This Song Saved My Life by Simple Plan. “I was broken. I was choking. I was lost. This song saved my life. I was bleeding. Stopped believing. Could have died. This song saved my life. I was down. I was drowning. But it came all just in time. This song saved my life.”

             I don’t think that anyone should have to feel like they’re alone. Feeling alone is one of the worst and heart tearing feelings. If there’s a feeling worse than the feeling of being alone I never want to experience that feeling. I believe that music is a healthy was of expressing how you feel. I believe that music is a universal thing that everyone can understand.  I believe that music is an escape. Music is my savior, and a gift that I will cherish forever.

 

Lyrics found at: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/simple_plan/this_song_saved_my_life.html

Carrot Cake Muffins with Mamaw

 

Ingredients:    

· 3/4 cup of whole-wheat pastry flour

· 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

· 1 teaspoon of baking soda

· 1/4 teaspoon fine salt

· 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

· A pinch of nutmeg

· 3/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

· 1/4 cup canola oil

· 2 large eggs

· 1 1/2 cup of finely shredded carrots

· 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

· 1/2 cup teaspoon finely chopped walnuts

· 4 ounces of low fat cream cheese

· 3/4 cup of confectioner's sugar(sifted)

· 1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

 

Preparation:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Then line twelve standard muffin cups with paper cupcake liners. Sift together ¾ a cup of whole-wheat pastry flour, ½ cup of all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon, and 1 pinch of nutmeg.

My Mamaw and I always got flour on our shirts. Every time it would land on one of our shirts you would hear us yell out from either side of the kitchen.

“Oh dang!!”

And then from the other side of the room you would hear a fit of laughter. We never came out of that kitchen clean.

In a large stand mixer combined ¾ cup of firmly packed light brown sugar, ¼ cup of canola oil, and 2 large eggs. Then mix them together.

I could never measure the brown sugar right. It was a simple task, but one I had a hard time with. I either put too much or too little. In the end I recall my grandma saying.

“It’s always better to have more than to have less.” I would reply “Yes ma’am.”

Add 1 ½ cup of finely shredded carrots, ½ teaspoon of vanilla extract. Add the dry ingredients and mix until well combined and stir in ¼ cup of walnuts.

My Mamaw loves absolutely loves walnuts. I could look over, and see her eating a bit of walnut.

“Mamaw! You can’t do that!” I would fuss at her. “Yes, I can! And I will!” She would answer laughing at me.

In the end I would always laugh too. That’s what I love about her. I could never be mad even if I tried. I always had a smile on my face when she was around. My grandma is my favorite person in the world next to my mom, of course. She could never disappoint me even if she tried.

Divide the batter evenly in the muffin cups. With an electric mixer beat 4 ounces of low fat cream cheese, ¾ cup of confectioner’s sugar, and ½ teaspoon of lemon zest.

 

This is when I would get in trouble.

“Bailey Marie you better not lick that spoon.” She would say without turning around.

“How’d you know?” I would ask.

“Don’t you know mother’s have eyes in the back of their heads.”

 My face would turn beat red, and my eyes would go wide. She would laugh at the color of my face.

“Just wait until we’re done.”

Put the muffins in the oven for twenty minutes. Once done let them sit for about five minutes.

I remember those five minutes being the longest five minutes in the world. If only that was it now. Now for example: sending a text message to someone you really like. Those few minutes it takes for them to reply now are the long eternity that those simple five minutes used to be.  I wish I could go back to the time where we would sit and talk in that kitchen the whole time. I never had very much fun cooking regular foods, but those forty minutes I spent with my grandma in the kitchen was the best time I ever had in a kitchen.  

thINK

            Have you ever been lost in thought, and not realized how much time has passed? In a short poem entitled “The Meadow” the author writes about being lost in thought searching for someone.

In lines seven, eight, and nine the author writes “Where did I go, how long was I out looking for you?” The author doesn’t state who he or she is looking for, but I believe it may be a loved one. The author also states that they believe that person would never leave them. The author is confused as to where this person has gone to.

I’ve have been lost in thought before. Most times it is when I think of my life what I’ve been through, and what else is to come. When the author states “Where did I go, how long was I out looking for you” I relate to that. I could sit down and start to think when I look at the clock again so much time has already passed. The author also writes about not knowing what they are searching for. When I sit down to think I don’t realize what I’m doing questions and thoughts just appear.

Searching for someone is not easy. Most times I don’t even realize that I am. It’s just thoughts that flow through your mind. Most of my thoughts are deep thoughts that I don’t tend to share with others. Just sitting at home or in the car going somewhere all of these questions appear. Some could be about the past and what I could have done differently, and some are about the future that I’m looking forward to.

Imagination. Understanding. Variety. Different. Collective.
Descriptive. Creative. Captivating. Strong. Sophisticated.
Unorganized. Stoical. Voluble. Independent. Enclosed.